As we’ve discussed many time in the past, parental alienation is a form of child abuse. And while it usually comes up as a subject in family law situations (because it often happens after a divorce) we believe that it’s a very appropriate subject to discuss here as well on our child abuse and neglect blog.
Also, there’s no such thing as being too prepared when it comes to protecting your family and yourself. So here are the six most common tactics you’re likely to encounter when your narcissistic ex emotionally abuses your child by trying to poison them against you.
“My child” instead of “our child”
Most parents, when talking to their friends, medical professionals, and teachers, will say “my child”. But when they’re discussing that same child with the other parent, they usually say “our child.” However, when you’re talking about a narcissist, they’re certain that they’re the only parent that matters.
Or, if they acknowledge you at all, you’re the ‘bad parent’ and they’re the ‘good parent.’ By cutting you out verbally, and speaking as if you don’t matter, they signify how unimportant you are in your child’s life. This can affect how your child sees you, and serve to make them feel as if you’re less important in their life.
You’re the reason for everything that’s wrong
Toxic parents use blame as a method to alienate the other parent. They tell their children, sometimes at length, sometimes just in passing comments, about how everything that’s wrong is your fault. They can’t afford to buy that toy your kid wants? It’s your fault for putting them in these dire financial straits. They don’t have enough time to spend with your child? It’s because they have to work so many hours because you destroyed their financial security.
They can’t spend more time doing the fun things your kid wants? It’s your fault for insisting on this inconvenient custody schedule. In the end, they paint a picture for your child about how you’re the reason for all of the problems in their life. And if your child loves them, they’ll sympathise and may start to see you as the “bad guy.”
Using shame as a tool to control your child
The toxic parent is a master manipulator, and they’ll stop at nothing to control your child’s feelings. One of their most effective tools is shame, which they use to make your child feel bad about having feelings for you. If your child wants to call you while they’re with their toxic parent, the toci parent will make comments about how the child must love you more, which makes the child feel guilty for wanting to have contact with you.
If your child is excited about spending time with you, or doing specific things with you, and they mention that to their other parent, they’re likely to be subtly shamed. “I understand… you like to do things with your mother more than you like to do things with me.” Or “That’s fine, I don’t mind if you’re more excited about being with your dad than being with me.” Either way, your child ends up feeling guilty about wanting to be with you.
Toxic parents are child abusers!
As attorneys who’ve spent decades handling both child abuse cases and contentious divorces, we understand how destructive this practice can be. We know all the tactics, and are familiar with how to handle this situation. Whether we’re helping someone whose the victim of a toxic “other” parent, or someone whose been falsely accused of child abuse in any capacity. Call The Kronzek Firm at 866 766 5245 and let our skilled abuse and neglect defense attorneys help you through this. Join us next time for the rest of the list.